Red and Black
by SN1987A - Ritzen
Summary: Happiness and heartbreak between dream and reality. AU.
1. shriek shout

_started: August 5, 2014_

_completed: September 7, 2014_

* * *

_Dagron drew a cover for this fic. Thank you very hamnida!_

* * *

**shriek; shout**

-x-

Hearing a smack and a groan, Rei looked to his left and caught the basketball bouncing toward him. His classmate was sitting on the park bench, wincing and rubbing his right cheek. "Sera-kun," Rei greeted, walking up to his classmate. "What are you doing?"

Shuukichi straightened his glasses and said, "Oh, hello, Furuya-kun." He threw a furtive glance to his right before he bent down to pick up the book on the ground. "I'm trying to read," he mumbled.

Rei raised an eyebrow but redirected his gaze at the movement behind the bench. Someone jumped out and whacked the ball out of his hands.

"But as you can see," Shuukichi continued in a glum voice. "My sister isn't letting me."

"That's your sister?" Rei asked, watching the boyish figure chase after the basketball.

"More like a wild monkey," Shuukichi murmured. "Big brother left for college, so she decided to abuse me instead. God, why did he teach her martial arts? Little girls shouldn't be so violent. Please save me, Furuya-kun."

"Kichi-nii! Catch!"

Shuukichi yelped and hid behind his paperback, flinching when Rei snatched the ball from the air in front of him.

"That's not how you play catch, Sera-kun," Rei said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Yeah, well, you're the athletic one," Shuukichi grumbled.

"Kichi-nii! You bookworm!" the tomboy shouted as she ran up to the bench and slapped her brother's shoulder. "You're no fun!"

"Ow, geez, I'm sorry. Can't you leave me alone? Go play with your friends or something."

The girl made an exasperated noise and turned to Rei, her eyes flickering between his face and the basketball in his hands. She blinked in surprise when he tossed the ball to her with a smile. Holding his gaze, she hesitated, wavering between trust and mistrust, before she chucked the ball to the side and aimed a punch at his crotch, shocked when he grabbed her fist and stopped her strike.

"Not there," Rei said, suppressing a chuckle.

"Masumi!" Shuukichi scolded. "You're shameless! Apologize to Furuya-kun right now!"

Pulling her hand out of Rei's grip, she folded her arms and looked away. "I was just testing him," she muttered.

"What?" Shuukichi blurted out.

"You're quite impressive," Rei remarked, and the frown on Masumi's face faded away. She looked at him, her eyes wide and curious.

"Don't flatter her," Shuukichi said, but he paled and dropped his book again when his sister kicked his shin in response. "Furuya-kun, could you please do something about this?" he squeaked, hugging his leg.

Letting out a soft laugh, Rei met Masumi's skeptical gaze and nodded to the basketball resting on the grass. "How about a one-on-one?"

Masumi broke into a grin. "You're on."

-x-

(TBC)


	2. a definite perhaps

**a definite "perhaps"**

-x-

Masumi was tossing the popsicle wrapper into the trash can by the park entrance when she spotted Furuya Rei at the street corner. Her heart skipped a beat, and she took off in his direction, leaving a curt "be right back" with her classmates. "Rei-nii!" she shouted, waving, her smile reaching her ears when he turned his head toward her voice.

"Whoa," he uttered, catching her wrist before she accidentally flung her popsicle into his face, and rocked backward as she crashed into him and pulled him into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

She beamed at him. "Playing soccer with some friends," she said, one arm still around his waist, and glanced over her shoulder when he looked past her and at the park entrance. "They still have the World Cup fever," she explained and tugged his shirt, bringing his attention back to her. "You wanna join?"

"Maybe next time," Rei said and lifted the grocery bag in his hand to show Masumi the frozen food inside. "I need to put this in the fridge and run some more errands afterwards."

"Aw," said Masumi, but the smile returned to her face when she caught his eyes. "Hey, what's your phone number?"

"Hm?"

"I wanted to ask you something the other day, but Kichi-nii said he didn't have your number, so I couldn't call you. And it's summer vacation, so you're not at school. Not that it matters because Kichi-nii is stupid and refuses to help me." Her eyes slid away but only for a moment. Smiling at him again, she continued, "I'm so happy I ran into you today. Is it okay if I have your phone number?"

"Ah..." Rei's smile was apologetic, and Masumi could feel her heart sinking. "I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

Masumi blinked. "Not even a home phone? I don't have a cellphone, but I use the phone at home."

"I'm afraid not," Rei said after a brief pause and watched Masumi worry her lower lip. Releasing his hold on her wrist, he bent down slightly, putting his gaze level with hers, and asked in a soft voice, "Hey, what did you want to ask me?"

Slowly drawing her arms back to her side, Masumi said, not meeting his eyes, "I wanted to ask if you were free for Obon. My family always makes a trip to the beach for Obon, but it's a bit different this year. Dad passed away six months ago, and Shuu-nii left for America a few weeks ago, so it feels kind of lonely if it's just me, Mom, and Kichi-nii. Mom's health isn't so great, and you know how boring Kichi-nii is. I thought it'd be fun if you could come along with us. Do you like beaches?" Uncertain, she looked at him, knowing that she was rambling but unable to contain herself. The raw pain of losing her father at the age of thirteen hit her again, and something like a fishhook threatened to rip out a piece of her heart when she realized how much she missed her oldest brother. "Kichi-nii doesn't know any of my classmates, and you're the only person I know that Kichi-nii also knows, so I figured you'd be the perfect person to come with us..."

"But I wouldn't want to impose on your family – "

"You won't!" Masumi interrupted, searching Rei's eyes for a way to clear his hesitation. "I already asked Mom, and she said as long as your parents agree, you're more than welcome to join us. Kichi-nii had no objections either. He even told me, 'This is your idea, so you should ask him.' So here I am, asking." She clamped her mouth shut and stared at her melting popsicle, ignoring the drop of cold sticky liquid on her skin. When Rei didn't respond, she panicked. Heart pounding against her chest, she looked at him, unsure of what to do next, pausing when she found him lost in his thoughts. "Y'know," she said, starting to babble. "If your parents want to come, I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind. In fact, I'm curious what your parents are like. So..."

"It's not that," Rei said, a wistful expression settling on his face, and the corners of his mouth curved up into a distant smile. "My parents aren't around anymore, so it doesn't matter."

"Oh," Masumi said, suddenly feeling very stupid. Fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt, she fixed her gaze on her popsicle again, watching another drop of liquid roll down the red ice and land on the back of her hand. She looked up, startled, when Rei placed his hand on her head.

"Sorry," he said, his voice and his smile both warmer than before. "I was just trying to remember if I had any obligations on those days. I would love to go, especially since it's your invitation. I've got nothing planned for Obon anyway."

"So you're coming?" Masumi asked, her shy smile turning into a bright one when Rei said "Yeah." She threw her arms around his neck only to pull back abruptly with a yelp when she noticed she was dripping popsicle juice all over his white shirt. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, staring at the red splotches in horror.

"It's okay," Rei said with a chuckle. "So when should I meet you and where?"

Masumi blinked once before she remembered what they were talking about. "Oh, Saturday morning. We can come pick you up. Mom's driving."

"Well, it's a bit hard to get to my place, especially by car, so I'd rather meet you somewhere else, either at your place or on the way."

Masumi furrowed her brows. "Are you sure?" she asked. Seeing Rei's nod, she gave him her address and telephone number. "You're like Kichi-nii," she remarked when he remembered them without writing them down, and shook her head when he raised an eyebrow. "So 8am on Saturday?"

"8am on Saturday," Rei confirmed and pointed to her popsicle. "You should probably eat that before it's completely turned to water. And your friends are waiting for you, so you should go."

"8am on Saturday," Masumi repeated, trying to hide her excitement but failing miserably. "See you on Saturday," she said, almost bouncing, and turned, shoving the popsicle into her mouth, the cherry-flavored coolness bringing her relief and joy in ways more than one on this hot summer day.

-x-

(TBC)


	3. look over here

**look over here**

-x-

"Oh, this was Kichi-nii's birthday," Masumi said, pointing at the photo that'd captured the moment a seven-year-old Masumi shoved the birthday cake into a ten-year-old Shuukichi's face while a thirteen-year-old Shuuichi solemnly watched from the side. "And this was Shuu-nii's birthday." She pointed at another photo. "Except he managed to get out of the way so the cake landed on Kichi-nii. I bet you can guess what happened on my birthday." She gave Rei with a mischievous grin, nestled in his arms on the floor of her room, and flipped to the next page of the family album. "That's right. He tried to fling the cake at me but slipped, so he ended up covered in cake. Again."

"He must be cursed."

Masumi snickered and flipped another page. "Oh, this! This was Obon five years ago. Dad had some emergency work stuff that year, so we went to the festival in town instead of going to the beach. It was the first time I wore a kimono. What do you think? How do I look?"

"Hmm..." Rei tilted his head as he studied the Obon photos, absentmindedly playing with the curls in Masumi's hair. In one photo, Masumi was making a fish face at the camera while Shuukichi wore a photogenic smile, oblivious to his sister's actions. In another one, Shuuichi was handing cotton candy to Masumi, the eye-catching red flower pin on her hair visible to the camera. "I should show these to my classmates."

"To show off your cute girlfriend?"

"To show them that I'm really dating a girl, not a boy." When Masumi paused, he added, "A few of them saw us the other day at the movie theater, and they misunderstood. It was a bit awkward when they confronted me about it. They didn't believe me at first because your brother and I are in different classes this year."

The implication sank in, and Masumi snorted, bursting into laughter. "They thought you were _gay_? Oh this is good." Her shoulders shook as she tried to catch her breath, but she lost it again when she got a glimpse of his mock dismay.

"Please stop laughing at my expense. It's your fault, y'know?"

"Sorry... Careful... If you show them this picture, they might think you're dating Shuu-nii," she said in between giggles, burying her face into his chest and tightening her arms around him when he shot her a dramatic _are you kidding me_ look. Feeling a tug at her hair in protest, she closed her eyes and breathed in the clean scent of the fabric softener on his sweater, finally shaking herself free from laughter. "Sorry," she said, hiding her amusement behind a squeak. "I'll try to dress more like a girl next time."

"Please help me," Rei said in a monotone.

Masumi chuckled again, sobering when her thoughts drifted to the past three Bon Festivals and latched onto the fact that Furuya Rei always refused to be photographed. She'd stopped asking after he turned down her request twice, but now, as she picked at the thread on the hem of Rei's sweater, she could feel the word "if" at the tip of her tongue, fighting against the lump in her throat. _If I... Will you... Together..._

"This is a nice photo," Rei said, turning the page, and Masumi glanced at the album, slightly distracted. He was tapping on the photo where the three siblings were standing together, holding up their diplomas, with their mother embracing them from behind.

Smiling, Masumi pulled away from Rei and shifted her position to stretch her legs and pick up the album. "It is, isn't it?" she said in a quiet voice, feeling the heartbeats in her chest as she thought back to the three graduation ceremonies three years ago – one from elementary school, one from middle school, and one from high school. Her father had already passed away for a month by then, so even though they were all smiling in the last family photo they took together, it was incomplete. "I wonder when Shuu-nii is coming back," she murmured. "Both you and Kichi-nii are starting college later this year. I'm left behind again – ah." She looked up when Rei tousled her hair.

"I'm not going that far away. I'll still be here."

Masumi let out a sheepish laugh and turned to the last page of the album, her gaze lingering on the photo that Shuuichi had sent them from New York. "Hey," she said and nudged Rei with her elbow. "Let's hang out at your place next time."

"My place is pretty boring," Rei said, looking askance at Masumi. "And your 'Shuu-nii' might fly back to kill me if I brought you there."

Masumi raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

"Because..." Rei leaned in with a glint in his eyes, letting their breaths mingle. "No one can interrupt us there."

"Oh yeah?" Masumi challenged with a smirk and fell back, tugging his collar to pull him on top of her. "I think you just don't want me to find your panty collection."

"Maybe," Rei said with a smile against her lips before turning it into a kiss, his fingers running through her hair – relaxing, possessive, and hypnotic.

-x-

(TBC)


	4. one thing for another

**one thing for another**

-x-

A gust of wind swept through the shopping tunnel and Masumi scrambled to pat down her skirt. Her tote bag slipped to her elbow, and she staggered, struggling to keep her balance on the three-inch heels. The sandals pinched her feet, the sundress seemed translucent, and the wire in her bra dug into her ribs. _How do women do this_, she thought with a frown as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. How did her mom do this? Scanning the crowd for her boyfriend's face, she resisted the urge to lick her lips and taste the lipstick, an uncomfortable layer of oily wax smothering her skin.

"Hey!" she called out when she spotted Rei looking around near their meeting point. "Over here," she said, taking a stride in his direction, and clapped his shoulder before she could wobble and lose her footing.

Rei whipped around, catching her hand, and stared at her in bewilderment before his gaze focused upon recognition. "What happened to you?" he exclaimed, running his eyes over her as if she had been attacked by a hundred crazy chickens.

When she noticed that Rei was gaping at her chest, Masumi straightened her back and put on a self-conscious smile. "Your fairy godmother came through," she said, smoothing her dress, her voice slightly higher than usual. "I'm a girl now. How do I look?"

There was a pause as Rei deliberated with a torn expression. Then he suddenly said, reaching for her chest, "What did you stuff in there? Toilet paper?"

"That's sexual harassment!" Masumi shouted, smacking his hand to the side, and the two of them exchanged an awkward glance with the people around them.

"It's not sexual harassment if it's toilet paper."

"It's not toilet paper! It's – " Masumi choked back her response with a sharp inhale. "It's real! They grew overnight."

"Real breasts don't grow overnight, and they don't look like that. You stuffed toilet paper into your mom's bra. In fact, you're wearing her dress and her shoes, aren't you?"

Masumi warmed. "It's not toilet paper," she grumbled under her breath. "It's cotton balls..."

"Same thing," Rei sighed. "Look, you brought your own clothes, didn't you? There's a restroom right over there, so go change into something more comfortable. This dress doesn't really fit you, and I can tell your feet are hurting."

Masumi opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out. Glaring at Rei, she huffed and turned, stopping when he touched her arm. She looked at him, waiting for something that could wash away her frustration.

"And get rid of your makeup while you're at it," said Rei. "I'm not kissing you if you have that much lipstick on."

Scowling, Masumi yanked her elbow out of Rei's hand and took off in the direction of the restroom but quickly realized her mistake. She stumbled but managed to catch herself, and after glowering at the air in front of her for two seconds, she resolutely removed her sandals in fast, jerky motions before she stormed across the floor and into the restroom.

"I can't believe it," she grumbled as she entered a stall and slammed the door shut. Dumping her sandals and her tote bag onto the floor, she rummaged for her clothes and sneakers that her mother had packed into the bag earlier that morning. She hadn't understood it then, but her mother's skeptical yet knowing smile at her request to borrow her clothes now came to light. "Maybe they're in this together to make fun of me," she mumbled, peeling off the dress, and sighed when the cotton balls fell out of the oversized bra. After switching to a T-shirt and a pair of shorts, she rolled her mother's clothes into a bundle and jammed them into the bag.

"Gonna get back at them," she announced to no one in particular as she swung open the door and marched to the sink. "Gonna..." She sighed again and splashed water onto her face, scrubbing away the powder and the lipstick. When she looked remotely like herself again, she patted her cheeks and studied her reflection. The navy T-shirt hid her curves, not that she had any, and she began to wonder if she would ever grow any – and if it mattered. "Gonna get back at them," she repeated, swinging the bag in her hand as she made her way out.

"So now what?" she demanded, still scowling at Rei and his infuriating smile when she looked up at him, ignoring the startling realization that she was now three inches shorter.

"Much better," Rei said, pulling Masumi into a kiss and grabbing the hand raised to strike him. His kiss softened when she stopped trying to pull away, and his hand brushed against her cheek when they parted, breathless. "Yes," he whispered. "Much better."

-x-

(TBC)


	5. between heaven and earth

**between heaven and earth**

-x-

Every time someone walked out from the frosted glass doors, Masumi would feel a jolt of excitement and hold her breath in anticipation only to deflate in disappointment when that someone wasn't her oldest brother. Craning her neck to see the flight arrival board above her head, she checked for the umpteenth time that flight NH1 from Washington Dulles had indeed landed twenty minutes ago. "Shuu-nii is so slow..." she mumbled, tapping her foot in quick succession until she realized she was being jittery.

It was the first time in seven years that Shuuichi returned to Japan. Between the summer internships during his college years, the rising cost of transpacific flights, and the demands of his job in the cyber division of the FBI, he hadn't managed to make it back to Tokyo until the current gap in his schedule, before he had to be at Quantico for his training at the FBI Academy to transition from an intelligence analyst to a special agent. But most importantly, he decided to fly back for this short break because of their mother's recent hospitalization.

"Oh," Masumi said when she spotted a familiar face bearing a solemnity that hadn't changed over these years. "Shuu-nii!" she shouted, waving her arms as she rushed forward and threw her arms around him, drawing him into a tight embrace. "I missed you so much! What took you so long? Wow, you grew out your hair! I smell tobacco on you. Did you start smoking? It's bad for your health, y'know. Where did you get the hat? Can I try it on? Mom is going to be so happy when she sees you. Do you need help with that luggage? How was your flight?"

"Masumi," Shuuichi managed to say.

"Skype really isn't enough at all. I have so much I want to tell you, and I want to hear everything you've been up to. Hey guess what? I've gotten quite good at Jeet Kune Do. Do you want to spar? Rei spars with me sometimes, but less so these days. It's too bad he's away on some Police Academy training thing this month, so you won't get to meet him. You need to come back more often! Oh, have you noticed any changes?" Masumi grinned and puffed out her chest.

"You've grown tall," Shuuichi said and touched Masumi's head, pride and wonder visible in his eyes.

Masumi waited for another two seconds. "That's it?" she asked, slightly disheartened.

There was a beat before understanding dawned on Shuuichi, a neutral expression replacing his bemusement. He looked away and said, "You have a ways to go before you catch up with Mom."

Masumi sighed and bowed her head. "How come I didn't inherit her boobs? Actually, are hers even natural?" She cupped her chin before she glanced at Shuuichi's luggage and snatched the handle from his hand. Looping her arm around his, she gave him a knowing look through half-lidded eyes and said, "So... do you have a girlfriend yet?"

"Hmm..."

Masumi furrowed her brows. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Mom mentioned that Shuukichi got a girlfriend recently."

"Or so he claims. None of us have met her yet, so maybe he's making it up. I don't even know what her name is or what she does. All he said was that it was a magical moment when they locked eyes. What does that even mean? Who would want to date a literature nerd like him anyway? What do you think?"

"I'm more concerned about the punk who's stolen your heart."

"Huh? Why? I've been with him for years."

"Exactly," Shuuichi murmured then smirked after a pause. "Is he really ugly or does he have a criminal record that makes him avoid the camera like a plague?"

Masumi snorted. "He's very handsome, thank you very much. In fact, sometimes I think he doesn't want to be in pictures because he's afraid of falling in love with himself. And he's going to be in law enforcement, just like you, Mr. FBI." When Shuuichi raised his eyebrows, Masumi added, "I'm sure you'll get along just fine when you meet. You're my two favorite people. You have to. And you're avoiding my question."

"What question?"

"Girlfriend," Masumi sang. "Do you have one? I bet you do. Your face says you do."

"Does it?" Shuuichi paused. "How is Mom?"

Masumi frowned again but decided to let the abrupt topic change slide. "She's doing okay," she said quietly. "They're going to try radiation therapy first. Hey, you know? When Mom collapsed over Obon, these two kids helped me out a lot on the beach. One of them is called Kudo Shinichi and the other is Mouri Ran. They were maybe like ten years old, but they were really helpful. The boy was a bit obnoxious at times, but the girl was very kind. I'm grateful. I wonder if I'll meet them again some day..."

-x-

(TBC)


	6. reality is a dream

**reality is a dream**

-x-

Masumi smiled as she walked past a squirrel frantically digging for nuts beneath the fallen leaves, her riding boots crunching along the gravel path leading to the fountain in the park. The sun was high in the clear sky but not particularly warm on this breezy autumn day. In front of the fountain, Rei looked up, as if sensing her approach.

"Hey stranger," Masumi said, leaping on her last step, and grinned at Rei. "Long time no see. What's up? How was the Academy training?"

"Hey," Rei said, trying to smile, but what came out was more like a lopsided grimace.

Masumi's smile faded, and she held his gaze, finding in it distance and anguish. "What's wrong?" she asked in a quiet voice. In the five years that they'd been together, she'd learned how to read his expressions, and occasionally, there would be an odd flash of desolation so brief and inexplicable that she'd always thought she imagined it. But here, that expression persisted, amplified and slightly different.

His gaze fleeted away for a moment, and when it returned, it was distracted. "How is your mother?"

_Changing topics_, Masumi heard a voice in her head whisper. "She's doing alright," she replied. "The radiation therapy seems to be helping, even if it's just a little bit."

"And your brother? He visited last month, didn't he?"

Masumi smiled at the memory. "Yeah, it was really nice. I almost wanted to kidnap him so he couldn't return. Stupid, isn't it?"

Rei's expression softened. "How are classes at the university?"

"They're okay. Some are boring, some are not, but I'm doing well." Masumi paused and searched Rei's eyes again when the silence dragged and settled over them like a heavy fog. "I'm fine, but you're not. What's wrong?"

"Masumi," he said, looking away, and her stomach churned. She'd never heard him say her name much and definitely not in that tone, the kind of gravity that she remembered in her oldest brother's voice when he broke the news to her that their father had died. "I have to go away for a while," Rei continued, his voice low and robotic. "I don't know when I'll be back. If I'll be back."

_Oh_, Masumi realized, suddenly seeing her father and her brother, and she swallowed. "Isn't this like... your first or second assignment?" _Do the police even do this?_

"I have to do this." It was a whisper, but its conviction was louder than any shout. He looked at her, and Masumi held her breath. "Listen," Rei said. "I don't want to hold you up, and I don't want you in harm's way. Things have changed for me, and there's something that I absolutely have to do."

Feeling a sting in her eyes, Masumi looked down and took a deep breath, tightening her fists hidden in the pockets of her wind jacket. "So this is goodbye," she said, hating the pitch and the tremble in her voice.

"Let's break up."

Masumi closed her eyes with a sharp inhale, feeling two drops of tears fall past her cheeks. _They always have to leave, why do they always have to leave?_ Startled by his touch, she opened her eyes and leaned forward, following where he was pulling her. Listening to his heartbeats, she wrapped her arms around him, wishing that the two of them could stay like that forever, in the moment where his hold on her was firm and safe.

"I'm sorry."

And with those words, that moment passed. No longer able to contain her tears, Masumi buried her face in his sweater and cried, one shuddering breath after another.

-x-

"It's pink."

"Yeah, well, this is our last date, so you need to entertain me."

"So... like this?"

"Yes. Okay, never mind, you look weird in that."

"I could've told you that."

"How about this – hey!"

"You look good in that."

"Heh, I look good in anything. What're you looking at?"

Rei smiled. "Nothing."

"Hey." Masumi grabbed his hand, ignoring the pang in her heart and the desire to lace their fingers together, which would feel so right yet so wrong. _If..._ "When this is all over and our paths cross again, do you want to start over?"

A beat turned to two while her words lingered. "Let's talk about that if that time comes," Rei said, tugging his hand out of her grasp, not forcefully, and turned to place the hats back on the shelf. "C'mon," he said after a pause. "Let's get dinner."

-x-

(TBC)


	7. come what may

**come what may**

-x-

The breakup hit her hard in the first few months. The morning after, she woke up to a soft stream of sunlight seeping through the curtains in her bedroom and dug at her eye gunk before she was rudely flung back in time to what had happened yesterday, left to watch the world spin without her. As time went on, she felt increasingly like a drug addict suffering from withdrawal, always wanting to pick up her phone to send a message, no matter how futile she knew the attempt would be. And then sometimes, she would think about staying the night at the hospital with her mother, because breathing the air filled with antiseptic and stroking her mother's hand hooked up to a tube seemed less painful than walking into a dark and empty house at the end of the day.

_Do you want me to move back for a bit? _

_It's okay, Kichi-nii. I'm fine. _

She never mentioned the breakup to her family and they never asked, but somehow they all knew. Her second brother responded to her meaningless texts more often than before and even made a concerted effort to hang out despite their disparate schedules. Her mother simply held her hand, a warm and firm grip that conveyed everything and more than what words could say. So she held together until an email from her oldest brother finally brought down the levee holding back the surge of emotions.

_I'm sorry I can't be with you when you need me the most, and I'm sorry my job is putting me out of contact for a while, but I'll be watching over you whenever I can. Maybe he's doing the same._

-x-

During her last semester in college, Masumi received a call from Haido Central Hospital that sent her flying out of Donny's and to the hospital without an explanation to her friends that she had been chatting with over dinner. Her mother hadn't been responding well to the surgery from a few months ago and had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. As she sat on the bench outside ICU, replaying the doctor's words in her head, she found herself staring at a number on the screen of her phone, one that she had not pulled up from her contacts list in almost three years.

_Can I talk to you? _

Sighing, Masumi wiped her face with her hand and tapped the backspace button to erase the message. Maybe _How are you?_ would work better, but it wasn't like she'd get a reply anyway.

_Where are you? What are you doing? Are you coming back?_

"Masumi!"

Glancing toward the voice, Masumi quirked her lips into a faint smile and tucked her phone into her pocket. "Kichi-nii," she said.

"How is Mom?" Shuukichi asked, taking a seat next to his sister.

"I don't know," she answered, crestfallen and tired. "It sounds like she pulled through this time, but the doctor said to be prepared just in case. Why do these things happen, Kichi-nii?" She looked at her brother, searching his face but not expecting a response, and frowned when she noticed something different about him. "Did you shave?" she asked as if the act of shaving was denying his raison d'etre.

"Um," said Shuukichi.

A soft chuckle escaped Masumi. "You look nice. Not like your old scruffy self – oh," Masumi let out a small gasp, feeling a chill down her spine, when her gaze focused beyond Shuukichi's shoulder and on her oldest brother walking out of the elevator. "What is Shuu-nii doing here? Why is he in Japan?" she murmured, rising to her feet at the same time Shuukichi turned his head, equally taken aback. Her feet moving automatically, Masumi strode forward and reached for her oldest brother's arm, the solid touch both a relief and a shock. "How are you here? Who told you?" she spluttered while Shuuichi ushered her back to her seat.

"I can't stay for long," he said to his two younger siblings in a low voice. "I need to talk to the doctor as well, so I'll make this quick. We're working on transferring Mom to the States. There's a doctor in Chicago that I know, and she has a new treatment that might help. Masumi, I want you to go with Mom. You're graduating in a few weeks, aren't you? Are you interested in getting a J.D. from UChicago?"

Masumi opened her mouth but her mind drew a blank. She'd thought about going to law school, but that was before her mother's condition worsened, whereas these days, she'd only been thinking about finding a job somewhere after graduation. It would be financially easier that way.

"Why don't you think about it?" Shuuichi continued. "One of my colleagues will help you with the move and the paperwork. Mom will be going there once we complete the patient transfer procedures, and you'll be leaving right after graduation. My superior Mr. James Black will be taking care of you there, and his wife Dr. Olivia Black will be in charge of Mom's treatment." He looked at Shuukichi. "I would prefer if you go as well, but I suspect you'd rather stay in Japan because of your career."

"I'm afraid so," Shuukichi said after a pause.

"You'll probably be okay," Shuuichi muttered, his gaze intense as he scanned their surroundings. He patted Masumi's arm. "I'm going to talk to the doctor now. My colleague will be in touch with you."

Nodding numbly, Masumi turned to watch Shuuichi's receding back, his movement bringing a whiff of tobacco past her. Tossing a glance at Shuukichi, she felt as if her brain had melted to mush, unable to parse a coherent thought from the thousands of screaming voices in her head, the only common chorus within the dissonant clamor being the word "danger" in a sea of red fading into pitch black.

-x-

(TBC)


	8. fork in the road

**fork in the road**

-x-

Chicago had been, in many ways, overwhelming at first. Everything was bigger: the people, the cars, the buildings. The streets were wider, but the skyscrapers on both sides created a claustrophobic feeling that was missing from the narrow and packed streets of Tokyo. At the same time, the openness along the shoreline of Lake Michigan offered a different kind of vastness, and Masumi found herself enjoying the bike rides along the water between the university and the hospital where her mother was admitted. The winter was harsh, but the people she met welcomed her. Her circle of friends grew fast, and one day, to her surprise, she decided to say yes when a classmate of hers asked her out.

Compared to Furuya Rei, Matt Pearson was much more ordinary – not in terms of ambition, but in terms of aura. He was an open book, eager to share with her his likes and dislikes, the stories of his family and friends, and most of all, his mind. Over time, Masumi realized that while Matt was fun, he wasn't _fun_. He was charming, but not magnetic. Still, Masumi told herself as she fired a round at the indoor pistol range where James Black had taught her how to shoot, Matt was there and maybe the ordinary was better for long-term stability. The corner of her eye twitched when her last shot hit off target, and she sighed in frustration as she removed her ear muffs and goggles.

Her mother had responded better to the chemotherapy under Olivia Black's care at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, but there was no panacea and they were simply buying time. Another year, another six months, another few weeks.

"What if I told you I have an experimental drug that could be a panacea?" Olivia had asked her two weeks ago. "But maybe it's more accurate to call it Pandora rather than Panacea. Do you want us to give it a try?"

After leaving the shooting range, Masumi hopped on the bus to the hospital and pawed through her bag for the piece of paper that Olivia had given her. The drug was APTX 4870, and if successfully combined with an RNA therapy, it would activate apoptosis in the cancer cells and only in the cancer cells, thus eliminating the disease while leaving everything else in tact and unharmed. But if it failed, it would take her mother's life faster than the lack of any treatment. Her second brother had told her that he trusted her decision because his opinion would be completely uninformed and therefore useless, while her oldest brother was out of contact again after a brief return to Chicago two years ago. The mission had failed, was what she'd managed to deduce, and it broke her heart to see the toll on her brother's face, as if he had died on the inside.

She yelped when a crumpled piece of paper fell out of her bag. Grabbing it from beneath the bus seat in front of her, she frowned as she skimmed the news clipping to recall why she'd kept it. It was a printout of a Japanese news site from two months ago, reporting on the death of the renowned high school detective Kudo Shinichi.

_High school detective Kudo Shinichi, once known as the savior of the Japanese police, was found dead at Tropical Land around 6:45pm on Saturday. While he suffered a head injury, preliminary investigation suggests that it was minor and insufficient to have killed the teenager, but a cause of death has not yet been identified. His father, the famous mystery writer Kudo Yusaku, and his mother, the former actress Kudo Yukiko, have returned from the United States to aid the ongoing investigation..._

Stuffing the piece of paper back into her bag, Masumi grimaced and leaned back in her seat, directing her gaze out the window as she remembered the young boy who'd helped her and her mother on the beach more than six years ago. The bus drove past a young woman walking her dog on the sidewalk and an old man supporting himself with a cane, waiting for the lights to change. _Life is so fragile_, she thought, focusing her senses on her breathing – in and out, in and out, delivering oxygen to the fist-sized automaton beating in her chest. She closed her eyes and made her decision.

-x-

(TBC)


	9. the road home

**the road home**

-x-

Masumi jolted awake when the plane landed with a thud, and the wind wailed outside as the plane braked in the rain at Tokyo Narita Airport. Yawning, she rubbed her eyes and looked out the small window, at the blinking lights along the runway and the droplets of water beating against the plexiglass.

_Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Tokyo. We have just arrived at Narita International Airport Terminal 1. There is a 14-hour time difference between Tokyo and Chicago. The local time is 8:15pm..._

As she listened to the flight attendant's voice over the PA, she felt as if she had just woken up from a very long dream, one that brought her halfway across the world only to leave her completely alone on a foreign continent. In the end, APTX 4870 had failed, and her mother passed away three weeks ago. There hadn't been a funeral; no one would've gone anyway, except herself and maybe James and Olivia Black.

She remembered sitting on the beach for hours after the cremation, watching the white waves and the teal water glistening under the sun. She remembered walking into Matt's office a week later, telling him that she was withdrawing from law school and returning to Japan – and that they should go their separate ways. She was glad that he hadn't argued to give long-distance a try, and when she turned away from his sympathetic yet apologetic expression, she realized that all this time, she'd wanted to be with one person and that person only.

There could be a way, she thought as she reached for her backpack from the overhead compartment. A way to let their paths cross again and maybe merge into one. Grabbing her passport from her backpack, she glanced at the folder filled with everything she could find on Kudo Shinichi's death: articles from news sites, blog posts, commentaries on Twitter... She couldn't really utter why she was interested in the teenager's death, but she could hear his words like a broken record in her head, "I want to become Sherlock Holmes of the Twenty-First Century..." She could see his confident smile, then from a ten-year-old who hadn't seen the world but was burning bright.

Maybe, just maybe, she could find Rei again if she played detective.

-x-

It was past 10pm when she walked out of Haido Station, holding an umbrella above her head and wheeling her luggage toward Haido Hotel. James Black had insisted on paying for her hotel until she found an apartment, saying that this was the only way he'd agree to keep her return to Japan a secret from her brothers.

"But why?" James had asked.

"I just have a feeling he'll object," she'd replied. _But I just want to go home._

Gripping the luggage handle, she lifted her gaze and began to climb the steps to the hotel entrance when her eyes widened at the sight of the person coming out of the sliding doors. He shook his umbrella and opened it, pausing when his eyes met hers. Suddenly everything seemed to slow down, pulled far away by a black hole that warped the spacetime around them. He looked much older in the light-colored button-down shirt and the darker vest, and Masumi held her breath when the wind tousled his hair that was still a soft shade of blond. How many years had it been? Six? She opened her mouth even though her heart threatened to leap out, but heat rose to her cheeks when she became aware of how she must look in his eyes, wearing a wrinkled T-shirt that was a size too big for her and suffering from travel fatigue.

The rain grew loud when he looked away and descended the stairs before she could smile, before she could call his name. Their umbrellas passed each other, a fist size apart, the distance between two strangers. White noise hissed in her mind again, but something in her snapped and wiped out the static when he took another step downward without sparing her a glance. She flung her umbrella to the side and grabbed his arm, jerking him to a stop.

"Furuya Rei!" she shouted, satisfied that her voice came out steady and strong. Her luggage toppled over with a clack, and she blinked water out of her eyes, feeling the cool drops run down her skin and seep through her shirt.

"You have the wrong person," he said, not looking at her, and pulled his arm out of her grasp. "Excuse me."

_What?_ Masumi gaped, struck mute by the absurdity. _Wrong person? Excuse me?_ But by the time she came to her senses, he was already half-way down the street, heading toward the parking lot.

"Wrong person?" she repeated and clutched her head. No, she told herself. She had the right person, but either he'd forgotten about her or he was pretending not to know her. And both pissed her off more than they hurt.

-x-

(TBC)


	10. substance addiction

**substance addiction**

-x-

Sitting in her hotel room, Masumi scratched her head as she pored over the documents that she'd gathered on Kudo Shinichi's death. Very little was known about his death, at least publicly. His head injury suggested that he'd been hit from behind by a blunt object, so someone had attacked him. According to his classmate Mouri Ran, she last saw him around 6pm, when he'd suddenly run off in the direction of the public restroom near the ferris wheel, claiming that he'd return soon.

"His body was found in the grassy area next to the ferris wheel," Masumi muttered, her foot jittering. "Did he see something?"

Unfortunately, the security cameras in the amusement park hadn't managed to capture anything out of the ordinary. Footage of Kudo Shinichi and Mouri Ran appeared to support the girl's statements, and given their close relationship, she never would've had a reason to kill him anyway. There'd been another murder earlier that day, on one of the Mystery Coaster rides, but it seemed like the high school detective had solved it without a hitch. The friends of the victim, one of whom was the culprit, had left the park with the police by that time, so it likely wasn't a form of revenge.

Stretching her arms above her head, Masumi sighed and gazed out the window, at the grey buildings across the street bustling with cars and pedestrians. The media had speculated freely on the possible cause of his death – the head trauma was more serious than it'd looked, a rare poison that the autopsy had missed, the natural burnout of a genius, a hushed-up assassination ordered by a high-profile politician, the work of aliens... Getting to her feet, Masumi swept the papers into a pile and shoved them into the beige folder. She frowned, knowing that she needed to talk to the people directly involved with the investigation, but convincing them, especially Kudo Yusaku, that she could help was going to be a challenge. Grabbing her wallet and her hat, she marched out of her hotel room.

-x-

The sun was out again, and Masumi took a deep breath even though the humidity in the air made it feel like there was no air to breathe. Wiping the sweat from her face with the sleeve of her shirt and feeling awfully sticky, she waited for the lights to change and jogged across the street, toward a vending machine. She'd missed the convenience of these street vending machines when she was in the States, and she sighed in relief after the cool water from the plastic bottle hit the back of her throat.

No one had answered the door when she swung by the Kudo residence earlier. Either the Kudos were out, or they thought she was a bothersome salesperson, maybe even the press. Going directly to the police was out of the question, but there was the Mouri Detective Agency. It'd been six years, but maybe Mouri Ran would still remember her. Capping the water bottle, Masumi pulled out her phone but paused when she was about to check the map for the location of the detective agency. _It's been six years_, she thought dejectedly. There was no way the sixteen-year-old would remember her. Even her boyfriend – _ex-boyfriend_ – had forgotten about her.

_Has it been six years already?_

She looked up, distracted, when she caught a motion from the corner of her eyes, and stared, when she recognized who was standing in front of her. Her emotions were thrown in turmoil, unable to settle between yearning, anger, confusion, hope, and pain. Not knowing how to respond after the encounter last night, she just continued to stare, thinking that maybe he was an apparition, a figment of her imagination. It must be the heat from the pavement.

"Hey," Rei said with a small smile, the timbre in his voice causing her heart to skip a beat. It was everything that she'd remembered, laced with a distant warmth that'd been absent from the alien voice yesterday. "When did you get back?"

_Oh how shameless_, was Masumi's immediate thought. "Yesterday," she said, her voice carrying a ruthless quality and betraying her simmering anger. "You were there. Did you get amnesia or something?"

A shadow fleeted across his face, and Masumi looked away with a nervous swallow, suddenly feeling uneasy. He was wearing a polo shirt today, but it did nothing to hide whatever burden he was bearing. Something had happened, Masumi realized, and it was eating away at him. What if he was doing undercover work yesterday and she almost blew his cover? Bringing her gaze to meet his again, she huffed and said, "Never mind. It makes me mad that I can't even be mad at you. Why are you here?"

"Are you busy right now?"

Masumi paused. Maybe some things no longer mattered. "It depends," she said. "Why?"

"I want to talk to you," Rei said. "It's been a long time."

Slipping her phone into her pocket, she muttered, "And whose fault is it?"

Rei smiled and ducked his head. "Come on," he said, holding out his hand. "Let's walk around. I want to hear what you've been up to. It's a date."

And Masumi felt as if she'd lost her sense of time again, as if they had returned to a time where the world was simpler and their smiles more genuine. It was an illusion, and she knew it, but she decided, as she took his hand, that she would accept this illusion, this delusion of coming home.

-x-

(TBC)


	11. reason for existing

**reason for existing**

-x-

When Rei pulled his Mazda into an underground parking lot, Masumi blinked and looked out the window, searching for a sign or a landmark on the street that would identify the high-rise apartment building. They were somewhere in Shinjuku, but she thought they were only passing through to get back to Haido.

"Let's go to my place for a bit," Rei said as he put his car in park and shut off the engine. Noticing Masumi's wide-eyed stare, he chuckled and depressed his seatbelt button. "Why are you so surprised? You want to go back to your hotel already?"

"You're weird today," Masumi remarked. "It's kinda disturbing. Are you plotting something?"

Rei only answered with an enigmatic smile without meeting her eyes and pulled the door handle, stepping out of the vehicle. Shrugging, Masumi unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car, deciding that she might as well make the most of it before she woke up from the dream. Something was nagging at her, like the devil's whisper reminding her that all good things come to an end, but she wasn't quite sure what or why.

The past ten hours had been nice, almost surreal. They went for a walk in Beika Park before wandering over to Haido City Shopping Mall where they grabbed lunch, then they stopped by Tokyo Skytree, which opened two years ago, before they spent the rest of the afternoon in Shibuya, where they also had dinner. She'd been the one doing most of the talking throughout the day, telling him about her college adventures, her Chicago experience, and the absurdity of American presidential elections – among other things. It wasn't until the quiet drive through Shinjuku that she began to feel the onset of jetlag and fatigue.

"So was today your day off or something?" Masumi asked when they were in the elevator going up to the twelfth floor.

"Sort of," Rei said, keeping his gaze on the elevator display.

"What were you doing at the hotel yesterday?"

"Work."

"Still that same case or whatever?"

The elevator dinged and jolted to a halt, its doors opening on their destination floor. "It's related," Rei said as he walked out of the elevator, pulling out a set of keys to unlock the door to his apartment.

"Is it okay that I'm hanging out with you, then?"

Rei gave her a wry smile as he pushed open the door and flipped the light switch in the foyer. "Too late for that, isn't it?" Locking the door behind her after she entered, he added, "If it wasn't okay, I wouldn't look for you."

Masumi flashed a sheepish smile and changed into the slippers that Rei handed her. "Did something change?" she asked in a quiet voice as she stepped into the living room while Rei disappeared into the kitchen. The grey sofa looked soft and inviting, big enough for her to sleep on. She yawned and shook her head, as if she could shake off the jetlag drowsiness like a dog shaking off water. Maybe she should turn on the TV. He had a nice 46" LED TV.

"Do you want something to drink?" Rei asked from the kitchen, sounding far away. "I have bourbon and brandy."

Masumi furrowed her brows and turned to the kitchen. Her American friends often threw parties with plenty of cheap beer and mixed drinks going around, but the atmosphere here seemed a bit different. "I don't have a preference," she said, making her way to the kitchen, and watched as Rei set two tumbler glasses on the counter.

"Bourbon then," Rei said and reached for a bottle of copper-colored spirit from the shelf. "On the rocks?" he asked, looking at Masumi.

She frowned again, thinking that she didn't particularly care, but said, for the lack of a better response, "Sure."

The ice clinked when Rei passed a glass to her, and she studied the reddish liquid, breathing in the smell of charred oak. She sipped at it and grimaced when the liquid burned her throat and sent heat rising from her stomach, leaving behind a taste that was akin to burnt toast in molasses.

"It's an acquired taste," Rei said dryly, and Masumi shifted her gaze to him. He hit the switch on the wall, leaving them in partial darkness illumined only by the light in the foyer until he turned on the table lamp next to the sofa. "Do your brothers know you're back?" he asked as he sat down on the couch and gestured Masumi to join him.

"Nope," she replied, sinking back into the throw pillows, and took another sip of her bourbon, its fiery and unique taste never subsiding. God, it was really comfortable on the sofa, and Masumi felt like she could fall asleep any minute there. She glanced at Rei, suddenly deciding that she liked him sitting there, looking casual and relaxed with one arm draped over the back of the couch. "Have you talked to Kichi-nii lately?" she asked and then realized it was a dumb question. If he hadn't contacted her, why would he contact her brother whom he knew less well?

"Not since college," he said, smiling faintly as if he'd read her thoughts. "What's he up to these days?"

Masumi shrugged and swallowed a gulp of liquor, trying not to wince. She was beginning to feel dizzy and very, very sleepy, but after a glimpse at the almost empty glass in Rei's hand, she also got the strong urge to _not lose_. She held out her glass and looked expectantly at Rei. Cheers, or something. Hell if she knew what for. Rei smiled, and she mirrored his expression when he clinked their glasses together.

She felt as if flames were consuming her from the inside after she downed her drink, and she set the glass on the coffee table, making a face as she wiped her mouth with the back of her wrist. "This shit's strong," she murmured, sliding down to rest her head on the armrest, and closed her eyes while a voice in her head asked why she didn't lean the other way to use Rei as a pillow.

_Because there's still a wall between us._

_Because we're still undefined._

Her heart thumped, faster than usual, and she cracked her eyes open when she felt Rei shift closer to her. He was leaning over her and placed a warm hand on her cheek.

"You okay?" he asked. "Want some water?"

Shaking her head, she caught his hand before he could pull away. "Just jetlagged," she said and twisted her torso to lie more on her back where she could see him better. There was a beat, and she applied a slight pressure to his hand. "Can you stay here?" she asked. _With me? For a little longer?_

"I'm not going anywhere," he said and leaned forward again, running his fingers through her hair when she let go of his hand.

The tip of her nose itched, and Masumi blinked away the tears that prickled her eyes. She missed his touch that brought forth tranquility in a mesmerizing way, one that she'd never found elsewhere. She missed his presence, a solidity that she'd depended upon when the ground beneath her feet had threatened to give way. And she missed just being able to look at him. At the uncountable expressions on his face that swung from the obvious to the unreadable, at his eyes, at his lips...

She sat up abruptly, hearing a loud pulse in her ears, and cupped his cheeks as she kissed him, tasting the same charred oak that had assaulted her throat earlier. She didn't want to stop, fearing that if she did, she would be all alone again with no way out. Feeling his weight against her, she followed where he was pushing her and landed on her back with him on top of her, her breath growing ragged while her heart raced from both the alcohol and desire.

When he broke their kiss, she looked at him in confusion, still holding his face. She could tell that he wanted to say something, but her mind was swimming and she was feeling incredibly warm. "Don't stop," she said.

"Masumi," he said, leaning in to kiss her again.

"Please don't stop," she whispered, hating the way he said her name because it sounded identical to his tone from six years ago.

"Will you do something for me?"

"Huh?" she breathed, her fingers tangled in his hair. "Do what?"

"Can I tell you when the time comes?"

"Yeah, sure," she said and pulled him in for another kiss, letting out a soft hum when his hands wandered down her body and sent something electrifying through her.

"It might hurt you," he said against her lips.

"Yeah?" _How so?_ she wanted to ask but then decided that nothing could hurt her more than the dark days in Chicago, a grief that she'd locked away deep in her mind and only simply mentioned to others. "I'll deal with that when the time comes," she added, drawing from the past and ignoring the inner alarms going off, because at this moment, only one thing mattered to her, and she wasn't going to let it go before she could even get ahold of it. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back when his mouth trailed to her neck and his hands slid under her shirt.

Maybe this was as good a definition as any.

-x-

(TBC)


	12. in a good mood

**in a good mood**

-x-

_Someone is home_, Masumi thought when she heard the water running from the shower. She buried her nose in the comforter, thinking that it smelled nice and different when her eyes shot open and she remembered where she was and why she was naked under the covers. The other half of the bed was empty, and she sprawled out, tossing a glance at the closed bathroom door. A part of her wanted to bust it open and jump into the shower with him, while another part of her was still exhausted and wanted to sleep some more.

The digital clock on the nightstand read 7:17am, and she closed her eyes again with a sigh. She'd woken up around 2:30am because of her jetlag and then spent the next hour or so lying awake in the dark, listening to Rei's steady breathing and watching him sleep until her restlessness also woke him up. He fell asleep faster than she did afterwards, but she wasn't sure if it helped or hindered to have his arms around her and their legs tangled together.

_This isn't good_, she thought, rolling to her side and opening her eyes. She wanted to be with him even more now, but she no longer knew what they were, if they were anything at all. Hearing him shut off the shower head, she let her gaze roam the room that she'd only seen in the dark before. There wasn't much in the room besides the double-sized bed and the nightstand, just a wardrobe and three storage containers stacked on top of each other in the corner. She remembered seeing a desk with a laptop on it in the living room, but she wondered where he kept his books. Was this where he lived when he was younger or had he moved at some point? There were no traces of a person's childhood here, unlike her room back in the house that belonged to her parents.

Getting on her stomach, she reached over to the drawer of the nightstand and pulled it open out of curiosity, but she paused in disappointment when she was greeted by the unremarkable sight of a nail clipper and four packs of tissue. She pushed the drawer shut and planted her face in the pillow, unable to label the scent except as "pleasant." The door opened, and she propped herself up on her elbows to look over her shoulder. Rei walked out, clad in a pair of boxers, and threw her a glance.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked, heading toward the wardrobe.

"I woke you up at 3 so we're even," Masumi said, kicking her legs a couple times under the covers, and watched Rei put on a shirt and a pair of slacks. She was smiling, she suddenly realized, feeling a sort of giddiness that came with the awareness that there was only the present and nothing else on this side of paradise.

"You can use the shower if you want. I'm going to put your clothes in the wash, so why don't you wear this for now?" Rei said, bringing a striped yukata to Masumi. "You seem to be in a good mood today," he remarked as he leaned forward and ruffled her hair.

"I'm in a good mood if I get to see your face," she said with simple honesty, still smiling.

There was a beat, and Masumi wondered what Rei was thinking behind the clouded and distant look. "Do you want to move in with me?" he asked out of the blue. "You don't plan on staying at the hotel forever, do you?"

Masumi's heart skipped a beat and her mind became a blank canvas. She stared at him, trying to identify if there was perhaps something terribly wrong with what she was seeing. Maybe this was a false awakening, where everything looked real and felt real but subtly lacked the lightness, correctness, and clarity that reality possessed. A feeling of reality that somehow eluded the dreaming mind.

"Why don't you think about it?" Rei said. "I'll make us something to eat."

_Yes, this must be a dream... _

-x-

The living room was filled with the smell of coffee when Masumi walked in, the bottom of her yukata sweeping the floor. She felt clean and refreshed after the shower, but she wasn't anywhere closer to an answer to Rei's question. What was she afraid of?

"I have some things I have to take care of this morning," Rei said without looking up from the folder on the dining table. "So I won't be able to give you a ride back to your hotel."

"That's okay," Masumi said as she poured herself a cup of coffee and slid into the chair next to Rei. Picking up the toast in front of her, she stole a glance at the papers in the folder just as Rei flipped it shut but not before she managed to catch the word "APTX." She froze. The four digits after "APTX" in that folder were different from 4870. 4869? 4896? She couldn't remember. But why would he be reading something like that?

"Did your phone number change?" Rei asked and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, I had to get a new phone when I got back," Masumi replied and then gasped. "Where did my phone go?"

A soft laugh escaped Rei, and he held up her Sony Xperia. "It fell out of your shorts."

Masumi warmed and snatched her phone out of his hand. "You didn't look at it, did you?" she chided, even though her phone was new and had nothing on it.

"What secrets do you have on it that you don't want me to see?" Rei asked, amused.

Masumi's gaze fell on the folder for a split second, then she huffed and bit into the toast in her hand. "State secrets," she lied, chewing, and Rei snorted. She glanced at the folder again, knowing that she wouldn't be able to bring it up anymore, at least not now, but she didn't know if that was for better or for worse.

-x-

(TBC)


	13. red light

**red light**

-x-

Masumi was a few steps from the hotel entrance when a black Chevy pickup truck pulled up on the hotel driveway and came to a stop between her and the sliding doors. Frowning, she turned to walk around the back of the truck but halted her footsteps when the tinted window rolled down and revealed a familiar stern face looking at her.

"Shuu-nii," she muttered, fighting the urge to wring her hands. Her gaze slid downward, and she felt like a child caught stealing candies from a jar.

"We need to talk," Shuuichi said. "Get in."

Masumi opened her mouth to protest but clamped it shut when her brother's dark expression told her there was no room for negotiations. Apprehension washed over her, and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she strode around the truck. After she climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, Shuuichi eased the truck out of the driveway and onto the street. Inside, the A/C was on full blast, allowing for an escape from the heat outside, but Masumi flicked the vents blowing chilled air at her. The person next to her was already cold enough that she was wishing for a jacket – she didn't need air conditioning.

"Well?" Masumi prompted, breaking the suffocating silence in an attempt to breathe as opposed to starting with something more low-key like _Why did you cut your hair? _or _Hey nice truck_.

Another beat. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?"

Masumi felt a flash of resentment. _Tell you, how?_ "How did you find me?" she asked instead, glaring out the window. "Was it James?" She crossed her arms and decided, sitting stiffly, that she'd take up on Rei's offer after all. To go to a place where she wouldn't be under FBI supervision. She narrowed her eyes. Was that what this was all about? Times had changed; she wasn't a flower in a greenhouse anymore.

"I didn't hear anything from James," Shuuichi said, the sharpness in his voice slicing through her accusation and replacing it with guilt, putting a weight on her chest. "I saw you in Beika yesterday, but I lost you somewhere in Shibuya. Where did you go last night?"

Masumi's eyes widened at the implication. "Were you following me?" she exclaimed, staring at her brother in disbelief and indignation. When he didn't respond, she heaved a loud sigh and kicked the floor of the truck, directing her gaze out the windshield.

"You could've told me you wanted to come back."

"Would you have let me? Where were you when Mom died?"

The truck lurched when Shuuichi hit the brakes with a bit more force than necessary at the red light. Letting his hands slide off the steering wheel, he said in a low voice, "I'm sorry. That must've been hard for you. But I couldn't leave."

Squeezing her eyes shut until the sting went away, Masumi sighed and said, "Look, I get it, okay? Why I had to change my last name after Dad died. Why I had to go to America three years ago. Yes, it was to get better treatment for Mom, but the real reason was because you were doing something dangerous in Japan. That's why you wanted Kichi-nii to go too, but that idiot lucked out because he'd changed his name again for some reason. And he looks more like Dad than he looks like you." She paused before she continued in a softer voice, "I get it, okay? But I can take care of myself. If it makes you feel better, I can change my name again." _Even though being seen with you probably defeats the purpose._ "None of my friends know I'm back anyway," she added.

"Who were you with yesterday, then?" Shuuichi asked coldly, the temperature in his voice sufficient to freeze hell.

Masumi furrowed her brows. "That's Rei," she said, baffled by her brother's attitude. Then she remembered that they'd never met before. "Furuya Rei," she clarified. "Y'know, the guy I dated a long time ago?" Her frown deepened when she noticed her brother's knuckles turning white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and sped through a yellow light.

"That's Furuya Rei?" Shuuichi murmured, more to himself than to Masumi.

There was something odd in his expression, and Masumi remained still as she tried to identify the elements in it. Incredulity? Hostility? Fear? "Do you know him or something?" she asked slowly.

"Masumi," he ordered. "Stay away from him."

"What?" she blurted out. "Why?"

His voice was tight. "Just listen to me and stay away from him."

"No," she replied. "That's not very convincing. Shuu-nii, I'm not five anymore."

"He's not as simple as you think he is."

"I never thought he was simple," Masumi raised her voice.

"What do you know about him?"

"That's none of your business," she said with a huff and adjusted the A/C vent to cool off the heat rising in her cheeks. "How do _you_ know him?"

"Masumi, do you know where his loyalties really lie?"

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about. Is this some sort of big brother protectiveness thing? Because it's getting ridiculous. I'm almost twenty-six. I've known Rei for almost half my life." _Minus six years in between_, she added in her head. _But that doesn't matter. Does it?_

Sighing, Shuuichi pulled up to the curb and pressed the button for the four-way flasher. "It's not going to work out, Masumi," he said, sounding tired. Masumi paused at the tinge of regret in his voice and bit back her retort. "He's going to break your heart," he whispered.

Masumi tensed. "You don't know that."

"He already broke it once, didn't he? You're playing with fire, and you don't even know it."

"You don't know that," Masumi repeated in a weaker voice while her stomach churned.

"No, I don't," Shuuichi admitted. "But you have to trust me on this." His voice fell to a whisper. "I can't lose you too."

Masumi clenched her jaw, and the skin at the corners of her eyes tightened. There were unspoken words behind her brother's spoken words, but she knew he wouldn't elaborate anymore, and knowing that both pained and infuriated her. "I get to decide for myself," she said, the crack in her voice betraying her doubt.

A moment of silence passed between them while the engine hummed. Then Shuuichi shifted the truck to drive and merged back into the traffic. "I'll take you back to the hotel," he said.

-x-

(TBC)


	14. life cycle of a fire

**life cycle of a fire**

-x-

After splashing cold water onto her face, Masumi focused her attention inward, on her breathing, to relax her facial muscles. If she kept clenching her jaw like she did on the silent drive back to the hotel, she was going to get a headache. Water dripped onto her shirt, and she yanked a towel from its rack to dry her face.

How did a good start to the day turn so sour?

Blowing out a puff of air, Masumi marched out of the bathroom and threw herself onto the hotel bed. Staying at Haido Hotel wasn't really an option anymore, which meant there was only one place she could go. Home had been and continued to be out of the question. At first she'd avoided going back to the house to prevent her brothers from finding out about her return, but now...

She closed her eyes. Everything must be some sort of farce. Cutting ties to preserve them; preserving ties only to cut them again. Home contained too many memories, too many reminders of what used to be and what no longer would be. What was a home?

Finding her answer, Masumi pulled out her cellphone and sent a text to Furuya Rei.

_Can I really stay at your place?_

The response came five minutes later: _Yes._

_Can I go there today?_

_Of course. Want me to pick you up? I'm free after noon._

Masumi paused. It was barely 10am. Normally, she wouldn't mind the two-hour wait, but the parting glance from her brother had left her unsettled. There had been concern, but what bothered her was a shade of distrust on his face. Akai Shuuichi had always borne an intimidating demeanor that was at times menacing, but there was something a little more extreme this time.

_Someone may tail us_, she replied, wondering if he would take her seriously or ask her who and why.

_Let them try_, was the response, and Masumi couldn't help but break into a smile.

Maybe Shuu-nii was right that she was playing with fire. But, she decided as she sat up on her bed and glanced at the scattered pieces of clothing in the room, she'd been on fire since the very beginning. Juggling flaming torches was what she did to feel alive, and nobody was going to stop her.

-x-

(TBC)


	15. road trip

**road trip**

-x-

"Is that Prius following us?"

Rei smiled in response and glanced at the rear-view mirror. The white Toyota hatchback was right behind them, having lost the blue Honda buffer to the left-turn lane. Whoever was tailing them was careful, possibly professional, picking a common car brand that blended in with the traffic and generally keeping a distance of a couple car lengths in a different lane. But shadowing in a crowded urban setting was challenging without GPS tracking or a dedicated team. Habit and Masumi's concern had prompted him to take several spontaneous turns and detours, helping him single out the Prius a few blocks back. It was time to shake them off.

"They're good," he remarked as he changed gears and accelerated across the intersection just as the lights turned red. Another glance at the rear-view mirror told him that the Toyota had braked at the intersection, and his lips twisted into a smile again. They knew, he suspected, that they'd blown their cover and that their target was no longer in the mood to play with them. _Good but not good enough._

After cruising for another block, Rei veered a right into a residential area, where the narrow streets formed a spaghetti pattern – easy to lose one's way and easy to lose someone else. "What did you do in your time away?" he asked wryly when they returned to a major road with no white hybrids in tow.

Slouching in her seat with one knee drawn up, Masumi rested her elbow on the door panel and grumbled something incomprehensible. "Do you know my brother?" she asked suddenly.

"Hm? We were high school classmates."

"Not Kichi-nii. The other one."

A beat. "Your Shuu-nii?" Rei asked, maintaining a neutral tone that curbed the sardonicism threatening to slip out. He'd tightened his grip on the steering wheel, and upon noticing that, he willed his hands to relax. It was hard not to think of that time, but now was not the right time to go there. "You used to mention him a lot," he said. And when Masumi didn't react, he continued, "Did something happen?"

Silence dragged, and Rei snuck a glance at Masumi. She sat still, head in hand, gazing out the car window at a faraway spot. Something in him wavered, saying that there must be another way if... The traffic light turned red, and he stepped on the brake, bringing the vehicle to a gradual halt. _No._ He clenched his jaw. There was no other way. She was his lever, and it was too late to turn back now. What he wanted and what she wanted, it was almost like symbiosis, keeping them alive yet driving them to their deaths.

"Never mind," Masumi finally said. "Forget I asked."

-x-

(TBC)


	16. our own world

**our own world**

-x-

Rei stirred and cracked open his eyes, knowing that he'd been dreaming but not remembering what. His head was throbbing, and he placed the back of his hand on his forehead. In the dream, there was fighting and there was blood, but the who and the why escaped him, leaving behind only a feeling of exhaustion and a burning throat. Letting out a soft exhale, he glanced at the empty spot on the bed and the dim light spilling through the door gap. The clock on the nightstand said 3:08am, three red digits glowing in the dark. Masumi was up.

Rolling over, he swung his feet to the floor and pushed himself to standing. He could hear the distant swoosh of the passing cars belonging to a sleepless population. Somewhere, someone from the Organization was carrying out a deal that required the concealment of the night; and somewhere, someone from the PSIA was carrying out a duty that relied on the existence of the dark. Both were secrecy, both could be deadly, and he'd had his fair share of both.

With one hand on the door knob, he paused. It was too early to tell how his plan would fall out, but Masumi was moving just as he wanted her to. At first her appearance at the hotel had caught him off guard, like a ghost from the past, speaking so loudly of gains and losses spiraling into a paradox. Yet in some sense, it was godsend. He'd gotten to her before Akai Shuuichi could, and that brought him one step closer to checkmate. For revenge, and for both the Organization and the PSIA. He wanted Akai Shuuichi dead, the Organization wanted the threat erased, the PSIA wanted the FBI out of the country, and Sera Masumi was the key to set everything in motion.

Pulling the door open, he squinted at the light source near the dining table and heard a small gasp along with a faint thump of something flipping shut. Masumi stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding truck, her hands pressed against the top of a folder in a pathetic attempt to hide what she'd been doing. Her red camisole and her frightened look didn't go well together at all with the act of espionage.

"Jetlag, couldn't sleep?" Rei asked in a soft voice, thinking that he was in his boxers and thus not particularly dressed for counter-espionage anyway. Not that he was here to call her out on anything, because he'd left the documents out in the open for Masumi to see. That he was awake and needing a glass of warm water to soothe his headache was a pure coincidence. _Except it would've been inevitable._ "Do you want some water?" he asked as he stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a glass from the thermos.

"No. I'm okay," Masumi said, barely audible.

She was still looking at him like a cornered animal when he walked out of the kitchen and headed to the dining table. The apartment was hot and stuffy with its windows closed and the only air conditioner located in the bedroom, but it had a quiet calm to it, an isolated solitude. Setting his glass of water on the marble top, he pulled out the chair at the end of the table and sat down, not next to Masumi but not opposite her either. Giving space and avoiding an interrogation setup. She looked down and hid her hands under the table, having pushed the folder to the side.

"What woke you up?" Masumi asked and seemed to flinch at her own voice that came out thinner and higher than usual.

"A dream," Rei said after taking a sip of water, the warm liquid washing away the harsh dryness in his throat and the lingering discomfort from the dream that'd faded away as quickly as it'd left an impression. Masumi appeared taken aback by his response, and her eyes flitted to him.

Gone were the skepticism and caution that'd been present in her gaze when they first met thirteen years ago, replaced by an adoration that gradually evolved from a subtle dependency to something much more candid. But the spunkiness and curiosity were still there after all these years, even now, despite the cloak of guilt and trepidation. She looked so much like her oldest brother, yet she lacked the vigilance and wariness that Akai Shuuichi possessed. Would it have been better if she'd maintained her initial distrust of a stranger and consequently of him? Rei wondered, but then a stark realization hit him, that their paths would've crossed even if he hadn't stopped at the park on a whim that day. The Organization, the PSIA, the FBI, and everything that came after – nothing would've changed. Not what he was born into, not what the different organizations were after, and not the intricate and delicate relationships that developed along the way.

Or would they?

He held her gaze, watching her struggle either to formulate a thought or to vocalize the words in her mind. The frequency of her hesitations had increased over the years, like a child learning from the pain of touching the bright flame on a candle. He'd never built their relationship on trust, nor had he ever intended to do so. When she barged into his life, carefree in spite of the looming storm clouds, he expected her to walk out shortly after, not stay and become an integrated part of his life that he'd worked hard to keep secluded. People involved with the Organization had never met a good end, and he, especially, had never hoped for a happily ever after. He was walking a tightrope to begin with, born into the Organization and raised to infiltrate the PSIA, but when he turned, he might as well have set the rope on fire.

"Why did you come back?" Rei asked, surprising both of them with his question because he thought he knew the answer while she thought he was going to ask something else.

"I missed home," she said after a pause, a torn expression settling on her face. Silence shrouded them, and she looked away. "I missed you," she finally admitted in a whisper. "I didn't think it'd be this easy to find you again." She looked at him and opened her mouth to continue but choked back the words that wanted to come out. "Are we official again?" she asked with a slight frown. And it was as if the clock had rewound eleven years to a similar hot summer day, when she caught him after school and asked him, with a clap on his shoulder, whether he wanted to make it official.

He'd hesitated back then, and he hesitated again now but for different reasons. "Aren't we?" he replied, lying but not quite lying, telling the truth but not quite telling the truth. His statement was merely convenient. Masumi blinked and tilted her head, perplexed, but moments later, a faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips before it disappeared.

"What changed?" she asked.

_Too many things_, he thought. But he didn't want to explain any of them. Joining PSIA, missing her, meeting _him_, becoming a double agent, investigating Moroboshi Dai, witnessing _his_ death, and silently switching his loyalties... All because he cared too damn much about the people who invaded his life and turned his world upside-down.

"Seeing you again," he said, speaking a partial truth, and watched something fleet across her face. Something that carried elements of surprise, longing, comfort, and uncertainty. He remembered wanting to see her at odd times not long after their breakup, but he also remembered wanting to avoid her at all costs, two conflicting emotions suppressed by cold logic. He remembered not knowing how to react when he saw her on the steps of Haido Hotel in the rain, hatred and love raging against each other until, once again, cold logic overpowered them – that he was Bourbon that day, there to collect information on a target and nothing more.

Masumi slid one seat over and settled into the chair next to Rei, fixing her eyes on him. "You must've known," she said, her gaze sharp and intense. "Is this what you wanted me to do?"

Rei raised an eyebrow, knowing that she was referring to the folder but not wanting her to find out about Akai Shuuichi just yet. If he played his cards right, he could not only lure Akai Shuuichi into a death trap but also expose the FBI involvement with the Organization, thus giving the PSIA a handle on both the FBI and the Organization and a start on their eradication. Leaking information on the drug that killed Kudo Shinichi was a way to speed up the process by letting someone else attack from a different angle, but he had no control of this end, which meant that it could backfire.

"No," he decided to say. "I just want you to stay by my side."

Masumi furrowed her brows, momentarily lost in thought, and shot a confused glance at the folder. "That's it?" she asked.

"That's it," Rei echoed.

_Stay by my side to draw your brother out into the open. Stay by my side to keep your attention away from Kudo Yusaku. Stay by my side to bridge the connection between APTX 4869 and James Black. _

He extended his arm and tucked a strand of hair behind Masumi's ear. "That's all you have to do," he whispered and leaned in give her kiss on her forehead.

_Stay by my side so that I can remember, after I wake up, the dreamlike days I spent with you..._

-x-

(END)


End file.
